As time goes by…

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So I was talking to my big sister the other day, and we spoke about day today life, and how we cope or manage things when health is playing an impact.

Time they say is a healer, and in all honesty, I have found this to be true.

With the relapse of 2018, I have spent all these months…fighting. Again.

Physically and mentally.

Menatally in as much as putting EVERYTHING i’ve got into getting bettee, all my fight even when I couldn’t, whem I felt I just couldn’t KEEP pushing myself over and over and over.

Yes fatigue, yes pain, but what about LIFE?!

Body image, body perception, how I viewed myself and how others would view me.

Stick…no stick…weight gain…steroids…confidence

 

EVERYTHING

 

There were some dark times, and good times, I refused to give in or up, and I am pleased to say dear readers, I finally feel like me again.

It has taken a lot of soul searching, a trip to the hairdressers….leaving a few facebook groups about dieting, a lot of grit and sheer bloody mindfulness…but…here I am!!

 

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Wallow in self pity?

Let thoughts consume you?

Allow obsession with losing steroid weight or weight in general to annoy you to the point you get cross?

Or focus on the future…

So life isn’t all shits and giggles, sometimes I don’t have the energy to piss rainbows,

But…with good friends, family….if you are struggling…you will get there.

Be you, be proud of who you are,

Do not let anyone or anything drag you down…if it does…do something about it.

Peace out…

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Oooh this is a dear diary moment…again because I think we have already had one…hehe

So. I  am sat here watching some sort of young children’s programme which reminds me of how I feel when I first start on Gabapentin or any other strong pain killer…kind of…floaty….haha.

Lets talk about….

Fooooddddd

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Why do I want to talk about food..because I love food…

Pain…oh my gosh sooo much pain….my left foot and back have been really playing up, I think just because I have been walking more and un aided.

I could talk all day about food, body image, (hmm that has given me an idea…!), but what I wanted to talk about was how I have been feeling recently.

Well.

Not too bad, up and down days, with fatigue or pain, or just in general. My foot I am pleased to say dear readers has finally just about…settled…dare I say….

My back is still nagging away which is anniyoing but I am used to it, and I am beginning to start the countdown to going back to work-which I am looking forward to.

Why? You may ask. I like my job, I am lucky, not two days are the same and my work mates are great.

Going to work is “normal” and I always look to see what I can do…not what I can’t do..

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It really hit me recently about what happened with my relapse, what might have been, what life could have been like, what might might of happened, how I was feeling, and what might have been.

My memory is still not 100%-for example I have forgotten AGAIN to biy new concealer and powder because mine has run out-and where have I just been? Jolly ASDA. I did however remember to put my repeat prescription in at the doctors-winning! So the nice dr at the QMC later will just have to see me looking like something from the crypt. Haha.

Mentally I have been playing catch up, it’s been 84 years since I…oh hold on…that’s not right…that’s from Titanic…

Huh hum.

It’s been four months since the relapse of 2018, I go to 15mg pred tomorrow, and 3 azathioprine daily-yippee dee.

So far though..so good…

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So on that note…I am off to charge my phone, and have a cup of tea.

 

In the words of Bill and Ted:

“Be excellent to each other”