War paint…and guys yes this applies to you to so don’t go running off…!
Make up….hair…clothes even…lets start with make up.
As a lady who is now steadily past 30-(cough cough), it is natural that one wants to cover ones ‘imperfections’. For me it’s usually spots and under eye circles. Just for me so when I look on the mirror I don’t resemble something that has come from the crypt.
I have a very basic quick make up routine, I don’t contour (no idea how too) and being a mummy I just don’t have time.
I do find if I don’t wear anything people ask me more if I am feeling ok….I had some rather funny looks in Tesco the other day lol.
Estee Lauder double wear foundation is my go to-sorry £8.00 Asda emergency back up your just not doing it.Then just concealer, powder, blush, mascara, lippy. Done. This can then be found half rubbed around my eyes later that day when I have forgotten I am wearing mascara…
So war paint?? Why do we call it that? For me it’s just a joke, a term that is thrown around in society. I will wear a bit more if I am going “out out”-glitter usually…but that’s it.
When I came out of hospital after my relapse, after 2 days my mum helped me shower-where I managed to bring down their shower curtain (whoopppssss) 6ft size 20 bird in a shower cubicle with wobbly legs…my mum didn’t bat an eyelid and reassured me it had happened before.. (note: they are now having a new ensuite-note: I didn’t break the ensuite lol).
After that though, I dried my hair, curled it and put some slap on. It took AGES as I was having to rest in between. Then I put on a favourite dress, and looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. Phew. For the first time in a few weeks I saw a bit more of me looking back, weeks of jogger trousers, tunics, hair tied up, minimal make up-it was nice to see a change.
In my youtube video’s I now make on notmuchordinary NMO, I don’t always wear make up or have my hair done. Why? Because I want to keep it real. How can I show a picture of “looking nice” and it seeming that’s how I always look….no. NMO is not like that.
I am sat in my p.j’s, my hair in plaits writing this. It’s early Sunday morning, J and C are in bed, I am awake because my back and hips hurt.
Ooh here comes J..
Right. Anyway. Where were we?
So…when your body feels like this…
Then why wouldn’t you want to sometimes want to wear some war paint? Just to look a bit more “normal” or “healthy” don’t get me wrong…this doesn’t always work…many a time I have put make up on, done my hair and I STILL look knackered. Sometimes though it’s just nice to make an effort for YOU or your spouse.
I have touched on my hair before in previous blog posts, currently my hair is…fine….but it’s not ME I know I have spoken before about self identity and I know at the moment what I see is not neccesairly ME-nothing to do with my weight…it’s how I see ME and at the moment I see me how I looked on steroids in 2015…because my hair looks similar, or a very young playing it safe with hair Jane.
Another chronic illness blogger wrote recently about “losing yourself” with a chronic illness. She is so right.
As I start to feel better…more and more of me is emerging, I am not forcing anything it’s just how I feel.
I currently have bright pink and turquoise nails with glitter and fruit on, and last night I ordered a leopard print jumper and I know what I want my hair to look like.
This is not a mask-it’s because that’s what I like.
A mask for me would be wearing jeans (I never wear them), a plain top, and simple hair, or leggings hoody and a plain top. Do you see the difference?-that’s when I want to blend into the back ground when I feel ill.
That’s ill Jane, not ME.
So what I have learnt with a chronic illness, is sometimes you can lose sight of yourself, confidence can take a dip, but when you start to feel better…you WILL know.
You will feel it in your heart, you will feel it in your mind, and you will see it in your eyes.
Here’s to the future, and…pink hair…