How do you start to let go of what happened?
It is not very often I get what some would say ‘flash backs’ now the rawness has gone-the sting of certain dates….no.
You see friends, the picture above is when I was still extremeley bad on my legs in 2014-2015.
The crutches in the back ground went nicely with the wheel chair, walking sticks, blue badge and a bag of meds.
This I think will be called “the face of fatigue”
So what I have found recently is I need to rememeber I now no longer look like this…but this…
Taken in the QMC after 1 night lf I.V…or like this…
So, why do I take so many photo’s of myself?
Vanity? insecurity? curiosity? my love of alternative plus size fashion?
No. Sometimes with NMO neuromyeltis optica, you can lose sight of yourself, image, size, fashion, pain whatever it may be.
So what I do is take photo’s of myself to remind me I am still me. Too show the good days, the not so good days, favourite outfits, and yes my changing face of steroids.
Recently dear friends, I have had some lovely compliments on how well I am looking. As I write this, I feel absoloutley worn out, but….I do agree.
My eyes have been commented on several times, about how more happy and “alive” I look.
This photo was taken 2 weeks before I went into hospital with my relapse. J had given me his sticker from the dentist, and looking at this now…do you know what I see?
Pain. Exhaustion. Fatigue. A proud mummy.
It had been my day off work, and all I had done was sit and sleep, and later taken J to the dentist after school as well as myself.
The eye thing…my mum has commented in the past abouty eyes looking a bit…uneven…and yes she is right, sometimes they do especially if I am tired, the left one the eyelid will close slightly. I am also due for an eye test as I am sure my prescription has changed, but eyes can say a lot about a person.
A few people have said that they could tell by eyes I was in pain-dead give away huh?
When you get so used to blocking pain out to be “normal”-doesn’t work does it?
So one thing I have learnt since my relapse, is too flippin’ say “my back/legs/hips etc hurt”, to make sure I take tablets on time, to say “I need to have a rest”-not just to plough on regardless.
I was always so keen to “get back to normal” “be normal” which is great…but…..I know I HAVE to to take my time.
So today is my birthday, I am up early with steroids n slight headache from Prosecco consumption from Boxing day yesturday, and I am going to have a nice chilled day with my family.
So like I have said before,
Learn to ride the waves, don’t be afraid to ask for help or say you don’t feel well even though you might look it.
One final thing…
“Snaps” for Tesco…bravo on your new toilet sign-I will be emailing to say thank you! I have had fumny looks in the past for using a disabled toilet, it is refreshing to see this more and more, this was taken yesturday.
Until next time.