Oh lord. My face. My face was now resembling a moon. The steroids had kicked in, and to be fair worked very well.
During this time was James’ birthday, Christmas, my birthday and new year…with a moon face…A time of reflection, of pushing myself, wanting to move on and get back to ‘normal’.
As looked at my clothes that no longer fit, that belonged to someone I barely could recognize looking back at me, I had spent months in leggings, baggy tops and converse. My Jeans that haunted me and made me feel like the Michelin man when I tried them on, this person looking back at me, zapped off confidence, stripped of any sense of self and identity with thin hair, spots and a body that didn’t feel like mine.
Enough was enough. Time to revisit fashion….and Cath Kidston….I started dying my hair and began pairing converse with Cath Kidston skirts and bags, it still wasn’t looking like me but I liked the clothes I saw. This fashionista diva was starting to get her ‘quirkiness’ back. This was the start of a ‘journey’ (god I hate hate expression!) and re-self discovery. The appetite raged as I battled slimming world, constipation, juggling James and fatigue, once I felt I was able to look after him more- my own son?! We found a fabulous local nursery preschool, and has the rest they say, is history.
One day I trotted out of a charity shop, walking stick in tow (which I am pleased to say I was able leave my wheel chair behind over the winter, it was now spring) a lady stopped me and said ” I like your clothes,I’ve seen you before, you have got brilliant style”as I stood in a Cath Kidston skirt, converse and bleached hair “thank you” I smiled nervously “It’s Cath Kidston, I don’t like looking the ‘same'”.
A bit more self confidence returned, I knew it was time, time to return too one of my loves, drama. Before I got “ill” I was ‘Mel’ in ‘Shakers’ with my drama group that I am in.
I was ready to tread those boards again. This was a massive step. ‘Moon face’ Jane was ready.
To quote the fabulous Pearl Jam: “Ooooh I am still alive, yeahhhh I….”